Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Channeling My Inner WHORE - "On To The Next."

The man after man, guy after guy occurred for a few years. I recall being so obsessed with this one guy who I knew from my neighborhood. I nicknamed him pencil penis later on but at the time, I would’ve done anything just to spend time with him. I had zero interest in him, in fact I didn’t even notice him, but one night at a night club we’d both been drinking and he pinned me up against a wall. He had me right then and there. We went back to his place that night and he went down on me. I don’t think we fucked. I can’t remember why now though. Essentially, after that, I wanted to be with him every single second of every single day. I couldn’t get him off my mind. He was in my head constantly. I would do anything to be near him, with him and for him to notice me. Except for the obvious of course, which was to consistently call, text and instant message him. I did the opposite. I was too proud, embarrassed, nervous and too good to harass him and show too much interest or over contact. So I always waited and waited. I waited for him to make contact but would always see him at the drop of a hat. He used to be a bartender and he worked nights. I worked days but I would stay up all night waiting for the late night booty call and meet up with him. We’d fuck in his car or at his place and I would leave and go to work from there. I didn’t fucking care what I had to do. I needed him, I wanted him and I was going to have him any way I could. It made me feel high in some way. Like some drug addiction.


One day, he and I went to get some drinks together and he told me about this girl he “liked”. That was it. I was over and done with him. I left the bar that night with him being completely fine and normal but I never once thought about him again. He turned me off. “On to the next” as I always said and always did.

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